Monday, 24 March 2014

The Perfect Male

Doctor Martin Lester smiled from ear to ear as his many achievements in robotics were listed and friends and colleagues seated close by patted him heartily on the back. He stood to rousing applause when his name was finally called and walked to the podium shaking perhaps a dozen hands on his way. He was sharply dressed, he looked immaculate, he felt immaculate.

It was a great day. He, Doctor Lester who once lived in an orphanage for 6 years even though to the best of his knowledge he wasn't orphaned, was now the most talked about scientist on the planet. And rightly so. He had designed the Robot of all robots. He felt a bit miffed that his creation still had to be listed as a robot where one could mistake it for the common house chore robots that littered every household. At least the term 'best robot' in the world set it apart from ordinary rag tag robot designs.

It wasn't every day the perfect robot man was designed. In fact there was hardly any robot with a distinguishable sex until his perfectly male robot. A robot designed to be the perfect man, gentlemanly, loving, caring, patient, hardworking,  a listener, a friend, a protector and a great lover. Haha! he swore at his parents, a father he never knew and a mother who wouldn't take an 8 year old baggage to her new life of a husband and a real home.

He had come a long way from all that. Today he was the greatest man alive. A man who had solved the great problem of what women really wanted. He had created the perfect man. As he stood there talking about his creation and his great vision for the future, he looked around at the great mass of people....here because of him. Little ginger haired Martin of the freckles and pimples. Indeed he had come a long way from scholarships and awards through three marriages and divorces. He had left his bad days behind.

Or at least that was what he thought until it was time for questions and an impeccably dressed female at the back who's face he couldn't see raised her hand. He wondered who she was and why the crowd seemed to turn around with such intensity to hear her speak. When however a mic got to her and her voice rang out through the speakers he felt his heart plummet and saw himself again standing again at the orphanage wondering what he had done wrong.

"Tell me Doctor Lester how does a man with 3 failed marriages and a recorded history of violence design the perfect male? Through experience perhaps? And is this a perfect male by your standards or by the standards of females?"

The audience turned as one back to Martin when his third and ex wife gave up the mic. It was as if she was sure she wouldn't need to say anything more no matter his reply.

Martin Lester stood watching his mother drive away that sunny day with his little green box by his side and the huge fat woman he would call Mama for 6 years rubbing a soothing hand in his bright ginger head. What had he done wrong.

Sunday, 2 March 2014

Wisdom Is An Asset

There was this woman who had a young man flirting with her. She appreciated his attentions but could not take it forward for you see she was older and married and living with her husband.

One day however she deviced an indigenous plan. She decided to visit her daughter who was also married but lived miles and miles away. She invited this young man to join her on the travel. He, of course gladly accepted.

So she arrived her daughter's home with the young man in tow. Her daughter didn't understand who the young man with her mother was but was too respectful to ask. Her husband who she felt would have enquired was out of town. She twisted her hands and hoped for her husband to return early when her mother requested only one room be prepared for her and her young male.

Two days later to the poor girl's great relief her husband returned. She told him what was going on and immediately he called his mother in-law to order threatening to report the events to his father in-law at their very next meeting. The woman in anger left the very next day with her beau in tow.

A week after his mother in-law left he received a very terse letter from his wife's father summoning him to come over immediately. The young went to see his god-father and told him of the events passed. His god-parent told him he had done right, foolishly. He adviced him if he loved his wife and wished to keep her he should act with wisdom when he faced his in-laws.

When the young man arrived at his parents in-law his greetings were returned coldly. He sat facing both of them and the following discussion ensured.

Man: My father in-law I greet you mother of my beautiful wife I greet you too. Pray I have met you two in good health?

Mother in-law: Hmm!

Father in-law: I wish it was so. Let us not beat about the bush. I will like to know why you wanted to rape my wife, mother of your wife. Did we do wrong by giving you our daughter?

Man: Ahhhh my father please forgive me

Mother in-law: forgive you indeed! (scoffs)

Man: You see how beautiful your wife is...you see how much your daughter takes after her. I was away for days and missed my wife I couldn't wait to get back to her and when I did I couldn't wait to hold her. I didn't realise my mother in-law had come to visit, you see and out of the great respect we always show her your daughter put her in our room. I thought it was my wife I was hugging....you know how beautiful and young and so like my wife she looks, until she screamed I thought it was my wife I....

Mother in-law: (cutting in) That is exactly what happened my husband!


And the young man returned to his wife and they lived  happily ever after.

Saturday, 1 March 2014

The Other Baby

I came across this picture a few days ago and to be honest was a bit shocked. I don't think I ever imagined men sucking when there is a baby around and when obviously the woman's breast was with milk. It got a few weird thoughts racing through my head. Does a baby suckling bring pleasure on any level to it's mother? (innocent question no need to burn me up yet)

It is obvious suckling brings great pleasure to the child innocent as it may be but the other baby looking at this picture seems to be drawing life from what he is doing. The woman too looks to be aiding the theft of the sleeping baby's milk. What I want to know is since both are drawing milk from her right now, is it instinct that separates the pleasurable from the nurturing? Help me understand. Mothers I appeal to your sense of educating the idiotic, sincerely, is there a difference? I know this question probably offends the senses but I can't stop thinking about it.

Funny thing is on some level I find this a very beautiful picture. The family. Together. Sharing.